Introducing children to new partners after divorce

Introducing children to new partners after divorce

On behalf of Mohajer Law Firm, APC on Friday, February 15, 2019.

You and your spouse agreed that a divorce was the right solution to your marital problems, but there was another issue to deal with — your children. You both want to be an active part of their lives, and they, being old enough to grasp what’s happening, even agree that this is the right thing to do. While this might seem like the best possible outcome, you know that the future isn’t going to be pleasant all the time.

One thing you and your current spouse can’t agree on is if or when the children should be exposed to new partners after your divorce. You would like it if they could meet people you’re seeing after you’re in a committed relationship. Your spouse thinks you should wait to introduce anyone new until the children are older and less likely to be influenced by the revelation that their mom or dad has a new partner. Unless you move in together, there’s no reason, in their opinion, to shake up the children’s lives.

The reality of this situation is that there is no easy answer as to what you should do. There are some things to consider, though, such as the age of your children, how long you’ve been divorced and the stability of your relationships.

Timing is important when introducing new partners

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Timing is one of the most important elements when introducing a new partner. For example, if you know that your child is still struggling with your separation, it wouldn’t be a great time to introduce someone new. However, if your child is happy with things and has even asked you about when they’ll see a new love interest, then it might be an appropriate time to talk about it.

Pick a fun way to introduce someone new

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Children under the age of 10 tend to be possessive of their parents and may be angry, confused or hurt when introduced to new people. A good way to counteract the resistance a child could put up to meeting a new partner is not to introduce them that way to begin with. Asking if a friend can come to dinner or to a movie with them is a good way to introduce the idea of having this person around and having a child accept them willingly as a potential parental figure later.

Finally, wait until you’re certain about new partners before you introduce them. Stability is vital for kids, so you don’t want to introduce them to someone new only to have that person disappear out of their lives. Be cautious, so that you can provide your children only with strong, healthy relationships in their lives.