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Sometimes, parents find it hard to focus on quality time with their children when life is so demanding. Instead of really connecting with your kids, you’re just trying to get them to follow rules and clean up their rooms. You’re picking up after them. You’re making dinner and putting them to bed, then telling them to get back in bed. Parenting turns into nothing but an obligation, with parents just going through the motions of rearing their children. Parenting experts note that parents often look back on these chaotic years with young kids fondly. They wish they could have lasted longer. They wish they had focused more on quality time. Imagining the future One piece of advice that experts give these parents is to imagine the future. Think of that day when your crazy two-year-old is off at college. Dinner is calm, not messy. Bedtime is a non-event. The child’s room is clean, dark and vacant. For most parents, doing this can be eye-opening. It helps them value this time with their kids, realizing how much they’ll miss it when they are once again on their own. This can help them focus on enjoying the time they have now and spending as much quality time with the kids as they can. The impact of divorce If you and your spouse are getting divorced, this could be one of the positive side-effects. Does that sound impossible? It may, especially if you did not ask for the divorce, but it really can happen. After all, divorce could mean splitting custody between you and your ex. Suddenly, you get a week without the kids, every other week. Your house is quiet, dark, clean and empty. While you may enjoy not having to pick up toys or fight through bedtime, you instantly start missing your kids. You become very aware of your now-limited time with them. That could make your weeks with the kids better than you ever dreamed. In your post-divorce life, you can work to make those minutes and hours together really count. You can focus on quality time. You’ll no longer watch TV with one eye on the bedtime clock because you’ll be focused on sharing these moments with your kids. You’ll shift your priorities from the messes they make to the memories. You’ll learn that you can’t get that time back In fact, it can even make your obligations more enjoyable. Cooking dinner isn’t a chore, it’s something you do together. Bedtime is no longer a battle — it’s a time for you and your children to read stories and connect as you wind down the day. Your rights Naturally, you must know your rights to custody as a parent. As you move forward with the divorce process, find out what you can do to make the most of your time with your children.

On behalf of Mohajer Law Firm, APC on Monday, May 14, 2018. Domestic violence is central to your divorce case. You do not think you are safe in the home. You do not think the children are. You want to end the relationship and get out as quickly as possible. In today’s world, you’re not worried about proving that you deserve the divorce. California uses no fault divorce laws. Even so, domestic violence will play a role. You do not want to share custody with your ex. You do not want him or her to get visitation rights. You’re trying to protect the children, and you need to cut off all contact. That’s where things can get difficult. Courts err on the side of keeping both parents involved. You need to prove that you deserve sole custody and that the children need protection. To avoid a he-said, she-said court case with your ex, you must have evidence and documentation on your side. 1. Talk to witnesses Did a friend, neighbor or family member witness abuse? Even if it was not physical abuse, having someone testify that your spouse was verbally abusive or that the two of you seemed to have a toxic relationship can help. 2. Take pictures and date them Black eyes fade. Cuts and bruises heal. Even broken bones get better in a matter of weeks or months. Take photos of any injuries you or the children suffer. Date those pictures. Store them in a safe place. When it comes to domestic violence divorce cases, a picture really is worth a thousand words. 3. Get medical records Your ex may dispute your injury claims, even with photos. Having medical records can back up your side of the story. They show the true extent of the injury, the costs, the treatment you needed and much more. A doctor may even be able to help show how the injury occurred — testifying that it was caused by blunt force trauma, for instance, as if someone struck you. 4. Write down any events in a journal This journal should contain dates and as many details as possible. This helps you keep an accurate record right after the event, so you do not forget anything. It also backs up those dated photos. Write down everything, from arguments to physical abuse. 5. Get police reports Police report not only show that you called the authorities, but they provide a third-party report of the scene. Police may report your injuries, the children’s injuries, the way your spouse was acting and the state of your home or apartment. The key is to understand the legal process and to gather as much information as you can. It all builds on itself, and it can help you create a positive future you want for your children.

We love holidays in America. Of course, Christmas is the big one, with most children even getting a week or two off from school. The celebration runs all the way to New Year’s Day. But it’s not just winter. Summer has the Fourth of July, falls gets Thanksgiving and spring has Memorial Day. The summer ends with Labor Day, and kids get to take their own school vacation for months, all summer long. Making memories As parents, you likely have your own memories of these holidays from when you grew up. You remember drinking lemonade and running through the sprinklers on a warm Fourth of July. You remember waking up early on that magical Christmas morning. You remember the fun and togetherness of Thanksgiving, surrounded by family while you eat a feast, watch football and play board games. The point is, you want to create these same memories with your children. They center around holidays. As divorced parents, is it even possible? The same days Much of divorce is about compromise. You find it littered through your parenting plan and custody agreement. You and your ex split up the time with the kids and agree on how the responsibilities and obligations of raising a family will get divided when your own relationship ends. The problem is that you inevitably want all of the same days with your children. You may not want to compromise. You cannot make those Fourth of July or Christmas memories if your kids are with your ex. So, what do you do? The answer is different for every couple, depending on your unique situation. A few options include: Switching every year Your ex gets the children on Christmas this year. You get them next year. You go back and forth, sticking to a predetermined schedule. This can work. You get half as many chances to be with the children when you want them, but you still get some. So does your ex. Neither one of you may be thrilled about the off years, but you do not entirely lose your chance to make those memories. Trading holidays Another things to consider is trading specific holidays. On the years when your ex gets Christmas, perhaps you get July 4th and Thanksgiving. You trade Memorial Day and Labor Day back and fourth. This ensures that you get some holidays every year, even if you do not get them all. Dividing each day If you and your ex live close to one another, this might work. Just divide your days so that the kids spend half the day with you and half of it with your ex. This is not always perfect. Who gets Christmas morning? How long do the children spend in the car, rather than enjoying the holiday? But it can mean you do not have to wait until next year to spend the holiday with them. Your options The solution is different for every couple. Just make sure you understand your rights and your options.