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Designing the ideal parenting plan: Consider your child’s needs

On behalf of Mohajer Law Firm, APC on Thursday, August 1, 2019. When you are going through a divorce with children, one of the most important things for you to talk about with your spouse is your parenting plan. Parenting plans aren’t just about visitation and custody. They also address how you want to handle certain situations, like school holidays, religious upbringing and other factors involved in raising a child. Designing a parenting plan can be complicated if you and your spouse didn’t agree well on how to bring up your children. Regardless, you need to decide both on time-share and decision-making agreements. What are some things to consider when building a parenting plan? There are a few things you should consider when you’re building a parenting plan including: Your child’s basic needs Your child’s need for medical care Your child’s age, abilities, personality, and experiences, which may impact time-sharing options or decisions about how to raise them How you’d like to provide your child with a balanced, consistent schedule on holidays, during school and in day-to-day life You want to build a plan that has good details and is easy to follow. However, you also need to be flexible. Remember, children aren’t always predictable, and your lives may all be more different than you expected. A little flexibility can go a long way toward making the parenting plan work well. With the majority of parenting plans, it’s a good idea to include language that makes sure that both parents can communicate with the child, review the child’s school and medical records, have the other parent’s contact information and be able to obtain information about their child. With any parenting plan, consistency is the key to helping your child adjust and bond well to you and your ex-spouse. Younger children will need to see each of you more often to be able to bond well with you. Remember that the idea of time is understood differently by young children. Just a short time away from one parent or the other can have a significant impact, so keep a regular schedule to make the transition easier on them. If you and your ex-spouse can’t agree on how to raise your child, you may want to consider mediation or arbitration to come up with a solid parenting plan. Disagreements will happen in the future, but you both need to find ways to overcome them and to avoid involving your child in any kind of dispute.

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Your parenting plan can help prevent serious disputes later on

On behalf of Mohajer Law Firm, APC on Friday, June 7, 2019. You’ve gone through most of your divorce, but one thing you’re having trouble putting together is your parenting plan. You and your spouse have different religions, different parenting styles, different preferences for whom your child can be around and so much more. In fact, there are more differences in your parenting preferences than similarities. It’s complicated to build a parenting plan with another person who has a completely different parenting goal. However, you and your spouse will find that it’s much easier to work together after your divorce if you can come to an agreement on how to raise your child. How can you start to build a parenting plan if you can’t agree? The best thing to do is to start looking into what you can agree on. Both of you should sit down and write out how you’d like to parent your child and the preferences you have. Compare notes. See if there is anything, no matter how small, that you can agree on. If there is something the other parent wants to do that you think is okay and won’t harm your child, then you may want to negotiate to see if there is a way to include that into your parenting plan on their time and not yours. The goal should be to bring structure to your child’s life and to have similar rules and expectations in both homes. You should talk about what you expect in your child’s routine, like what time they have to come home each night or what kinds of grades you expect at school. Discuss extracurricular activities and religious activities, too. If you have different religions, you may be able to decide by allowing your child to choose or by permitting your child to participate in both religions without committing to either until they’re old enough to decide on their own. A parenting plan is typically comprehensive, so you need to address everything from what you’ll do when your child is in trouble to how you expect to be notified when they’re sick or injured. If you both can’t sit down and work through this without conflict, then consider having your attorneys present or working with a mediator. Opening up lines of communication is essential when you’re creating a parenting plan, and you will need to continue talking to one another in the future to raise your child together.

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Facing the reality of co-parenting with your ex with dignity

On behalf of Mohajer Law Firm, APC on Friday, April 12, 2019. Sometimes, the hardest part of divorce is dealing with your ex afterward. For couples with children, it is almost impossible to secure a total and clean break. Unless one spouse waives their parental rights or has such as problematic history that they don’t receive visitation or custody, both spouses will likely be part of the parenting plan for the children. It can be very difficult to reconcile yourself with the fact that you have to have an ongoing parenting relationship with your former spouse. However, it benefits you and your children to approach this unsavory fact of divorce with dignity and patience. Protect yourself, but don’t be unnecessarily contentious You want to take steps to protect yourself, your children and your relationship with them. You shouldn’t just agree to any terms that your ex requests. However, you also shouldn’t battle unnecessarily over every minute detail. Create a negotiation strategy and stick to it. Try to remain calm during negotiations and conversations about the parenting plan. Try to keep your priorities straight and your focus on setting yourself up for a better future with your children. Focusing on their happiness instead of holding your ex accountable for bad behavior can make it easier for you to move on without instigating more conflict in the divorce. Know when to ask for help from others If you and your ex still can’t interact without fighting, you may have to seek help from a third-party. Whether it is a family member, a neighbor or a mutual friend, working with a third party to simplify custody exchanges and ensure unemotional communication can be in the best interest of everyone involved. After a few months, you can likely move forward with direct exchanges. However, working with someone else during the worst parts of the process may make future relationship building easier. That’s important, because you will have to work together for many years to come. Try to remember that there are long-term consequences for your arguments If you have a lot of strong emotions toward your ex, you might want to consider attending a divorce support group or ongoing therapy. Otherwise, that simmering anger and resentment could come out at the worst possible times, complicating your relationship. Even if you manage to avoid fighting with your ex, you could say something inappropriate in front of the children that could damage their perception of their loved one. It isn’t always easy to work with your ex after a divorce, but it is possible. You just have to have the determination to compromise and focus on what would be the best outcome for your kids. If you can maintain a focus on what your children need, you will find it is easier than you might expect to keep things civil with your ex.

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Introducing children to new partners after divorce

On behalf of Mohajer Law Firm, APC on Friday, February 15, 2019. You and your spouse agreed that a divorce was the right solution to your marital problems, but there was another issue to deal with — your children. You both want to be an active part of their lives, and they, being old enough to grasp what’s happening, even agree that this is the right thing to do. While this might seem like the best possible outcome, you know that the future isn’t going to be pleasant all the time. One thing you and your current spouse can’t agree on is if or when the children should be exposed to new partners after your divorce. You would like it if they could meet people you’re seeing after you’re in a committed relationship. Your spouse thinks you should wait to introduce anyone new until the children are older and less likely to be influenced by the revelation that their mom or dad has a new partner. Unless you move in together, there’s no reason, in their opinion, to shake up the children’s lives. The reality of this situation is that there is no easy answer as to what you should do. There are some things to consider, though, such as the age of your children, how long you’ve been divorced and the stability of your relationships. Timing is important when introducing new partners </div Timing is one of the most important elements when introducing a new partner. For example, if you know that your child is still struggling with your separation, it wouldn’t be a great time to introduce someone new. However, if your child is happy with things and has even asked you about when they’ll see a new love interest, then it might be an appropriate time to talk about it. Pick a fun way to introduce someone new </div Children under the age of 10 tend to be possessive of their parents and may be angry, confused or hurt when introduced to new people. A good way to counteract the resistance a child could put up to meeting a new partner is not to introduce them that way to begin with. Asking if a friend can come to dinner or to a movie with them is a good way to introduce the idea of having this person around and having a child accept them willingly as a potential parental figure later. Finally, wait until you’re certain about new partners before you introduce them. Stability is vital for kids, so you don’t want to introduce them to someone new only to have that person disappear out of their lives. Be cautious, so that you can provide your children only with strong, healthy relationships in their lives.

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Use a property division checklist to help with asset division

On behalf of Mohajer Law Firm, APC on Monday, December 24, 2018. When you tie the knot, it typically leads to the commingling of assets. From homes to cars, from furniture to electronics, you make a variety of purchases as a couple. While there’s nothing wrong with this, all of these assets will come into play if you decide to divorce. As you review your situation, with an eye toward marital and separate property, you’ll come to find that it’s difficult to keep track of everything that’s subject to division. This is where a property division checklist can help. With this guiding you, there are no concerns about overlooking something of importance. While no two property division checklists are identical, most people find they can place their assets into one of four categories. These are as follows (along with some common examples): Real property: Marital home, rental properties, vacation homes, undeveloped land and business property. Personal property: Antiques, electronics, home furnishings, motor vehicles, collections, china, jewelry, guns, clothing and home office equipment. Financial assets: Cash on hand, bank accounts, educational accounts, retirement accounts, pensions, stocks, bonds, certificates of deposit, annuities, trusts and life insurance policy cash values. Business assets: Professional degree, professional practice, sole proprietorships, business real estate and business assets. What about debt? A property division checklist is created to help you clearly understand the assets that require division in your divorce. However, this doesn’t mean you can lose sight of your debt, as this is just as important to your current and future financial well-being. There are many types of debt that require division, including but not limited to: Mortgage Car loans Personal loans Credit cards Home equity lines of credit Home equity loans Medical debt Since these types of debt are often associated with assets, such as a mortgage, you need to know exactly what you’re getting when negotiating with your soon-to-be ex-spouse. If you have concerns about property division, use a checklist to keep you on track from start to finish. This doesn’t guarantee that negotiations will go as planned, but it will definitely help you better understand your situation. When you combine a property division checklist with knowledge of your legal rights, you are in position to get what you deserve in your divorce.

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10 factors that affect custody and parenting plans

On behalf of Mohajer Law Firm, APC on Thursday, December 6, 2018. You and your significant other never got married, but you did have two children together. Now that you’ve decided to end your relationship, you want to make sure that you still get to see the kids. You don’t want to lose that access. This could lead to the creation of a legal custody and parenting plan, which you both need to follow after it gets authorized by the court. The plan explains both your rights and your obligations. It sets apart time for each of you to spend with the children. It determines where they live. In essence, it sets up your roles as parents even when you are no longer together. What impacts the plan? The court does have a lot of authority here, whether you’re a married couple getting a divorce or an unmarried couple trying to work out a plan for your children. The court considers numerous different factors to decide who should get custody and how to divide rights. In general, most courts do strive for a roughly equal split that keeps both you and your ex involved in the children’s lives. But that does not mean it is a guarantee. Some of the factors that affect custody and parenting plans include: 1. The parents’ physical health. Do you and your ex have any health problems that may make it harder to care for the kids? 2. The parents’ mental health. Parents struggling with certain disorders may not be fit to care for the children alone. 3. A stable, consistent environment at home. The court tries to reduce the impact on the kids by giving them a stable routine that is most like the home life they already know. 4. Where the children go to school. Ideally, custody orders will not force them to change schools. 5. Community involvement. Again, the court tries to find a solution that allows the children to be in the same programs, have the same friends and keep the same peer groups. 6. The gender and age of the kids. Even if both parents stay involved, does it make more sense for the children to live primarily with one parent for the time being? 7. What the child actually wants. The older children get, the more weight the court tends to give to their decisions and their preferences. 8. Any evidence of abuse in the home, whether it is physical, emotional, mental, financial or any other type. 9. Any evidence of criminal activity or an environment that puts the kids at risk. This could include a history of drug use or drunk driving, for instance. 10.The relationships that the children have with everyone in the house. This could include looking at relationships with siblings or grandparents, for example, or determining who is the child’s primary caretaker. As you and your ex work your way through this process, keep these factors in mind. Find out what you can do to protect your parental rights and that relationship with your kids.

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What if your ex-spouse doesn’t obey your custody order?

On behalf of Mohajer Law Firm, APC on Wednesday, November 7, 2018. As a part of any divorce including children, the court hands down a custody order, or approves a custody plan that parents agree on together. Unfortunately, many parents have difficulty sticking to the custody plan and deprive other parents of time with their child. While it is normal for parents to take time to adjust to a new structure of parenting, it is never wise to contradict a custody order. Courts take the terms of custody orders seriously, and expect parents to respect them as well. If you and your child’s other parent face difficulty parenting according to the order, you may want to consider modifying the order to something more manageable. However, some parents do not value the rights and parenting time of others, or are too self-involved to realize how their actions affect others. If your child’s other parent does not respect your rights as a parent, they may face serious repercussions from the court. Depriving a parent of their parenting time Your custody order should outline when you have custody of your child and may even include how and when you exchange custody with the other parent. Whenever one parent’s behavior keeps the other parent from spending their court-ordered parenting time with their child, it typically qualifies as direct parenting time interference. Some parents take things to the extreme and kidnap their child, taking them to another state or country. Not only is this certainly direct parenting time interference, it may also be a criminal act: It may bring down criminal charges, possibly resulting in jail time. In other cases, a parent may simply forget to exchange custody repeatedly or constantly show up late to the exchange. This is obviously less troublesome than a kidnapping, but is still a problem in the eyes of the court. Undermining the other parent’s relationship with their child Even if neither parent obstructs the other parent’s time with their child, they may still cause myriad complications and undermine each other. One parent may speak poorly about the other parent in front of the child, or may not allow the other parent to communicate with the child. Any time that one parent’s actions obstruct the other parent’s relationship with their child, it may qualify as indirect parenting time interference. This type of behavior is more difficult to identify. You may need to examine your circumstances closely. If you believe that the other parent is obstructing your parenting time, make sure that you understand your legal options. Time with your child is one of the most precious things you have, so do not hesitate to keep it protected.

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Even the wealthy can see money issues lead to divorce

On behalf of Mohajer Law Firm, APC on Thursday, October 25, 2018. You have probably heard that money issues sit at the root of a lot of divorce cases. However, maybe you think the issue is always a lack of money and financial assets. A man with an addiction problem leaves his family with nothing. A woman who is a sole breadwinner and loses her job finds her family breaking up under the stress. A couple that can’t make ends meet has to end their marriage. These things do happen, and you can find plenty of people who have been through it, but does that mean that wealth insulates you from divorce? No, not at all. Even wealthy couples can get divorced because of issues that ultimately revolve around money. Here are a few ways it can happen. You look at money differently You are wealthy now, but you did not have much growing up. As a result, you love to save your money. You know how valuable it is and how hard you worked for it. Your spouse, however, has always had more than enough. They just like to spend, assuming there will always be more. This difference in the way you view your financial assets can cause a lot of stress. Your spouse may feel like you are too controlling when you tell them to rein in their spending. At the same time, you may feel like your spouse is wasting all the money you earn. Either way, it’s a problem. You keep financial secrets Marriages are built on trust and communication. Keeping secrets about anything is problematic. However, money is one of the things most often at the heart of these secrets. Maybe you do not want to tell your spouse about your spending because you know they wouldn’t approve. Maybe you’re keeping secret accounts in case you ever need them. Secrets can put a rift between you and your spouse and can lead to divorce when they finally come to light. Your levels of control are not the same Your spouse takes care of your finances. At first, you enjoyed it. You don’t like paying bills anyway. As the marriage went on, though, you started to realize that your spouse was controlling you. In time, it becomes impossible for you to make your own financial decisions. This type of controlling attitude may even constitute financial abuse. It is not healthy. It can make you feel trapped in the relationship. Adults need to be equal in a marriage, and when this type of financial inequality becomes clear, it may lead to divorce. Your rights These are just three examples, but they help show how wealth does not protect you from divorce. Make sure you know your rights if you and your spouse split up.

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Is bird-nesting a viable custody strategy?

On behalf of Mohajer Law Firm, APC on Tuesday, October 9, 2018. You know that you’re not going to feel happy about any child custody strategy when you and your spouse split up. Even if you feel good about splitting your time with the children — you know it is important for them to see both parents — you can’t change the fact that they face a lot of turmoil. They have to move to two new houses, jumping back and forth between them. They may lose their friends, neighbors and even schools. It’s certainly not ideal. If you worry about this, one potential solution is bird-nesting. It’s worth considering, as it may solve your problems without cutting either parent out of the kids’ lives. What is it? Bird-nesting is simple. The kids don’t move. You do. You and your spouse set up a rotation to move in and out of the home. For instance, you both rent apartments near the house. The children stay, and you live with them for the first week. Your ex lives in his or her apartment. At the end of the week, you move into your apartment and your ex moves into the house. It continues like this until the children grow up and move out of the house. The home is your nest. It’s your base. It’s a place where the kids can feel confident and secure. Remember, children value the patterns and routines in their lives. Your son doesn’t want two sets of toys. Your daughter loves her bedroom. Both of your children like their schools and have close bonds with their classmates. Moving is normal for many adults, but it is a huge deal to kids. It’s jarring and upsetting. Nesting protects them from that. What are the downsides? Nothing is perfect. There are some downsides. For one thing, you and your ex continue to share that same house, so you have to deal with one another on a fairly close basis. If you feel frustrated that your spouse doesn’t clean up enough around the house, for instance, that’s going to continue being a problem after the divorce. The main downside, for many couples, is money. In the situation outlined above, you — as in you and your ex — need to rent two apartments and still pay the mortgage on your family home. That’s why bird-nesting is perfect in a high-asset divorce. You do not worry about the cost. You worry about the children. What makes their lives the best after you split up? If that’s your focus, bird-nesting may be the solution. Your options As you can see, it is important to carefully think over every option you have during divorce. Put your children first and make sure you know your rights.

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Yes, men are victims of domestic violence, too

On behalf of Mohajer Law Firm, APC on Tuesday, September 11, 2018. As a man who is leaving a relationship with children, you want to make sure you protect yourself. In your relationship, you struggled with physical and psychological abuse. You were constantly told you were stupid, ignorant and worthless. Your spouse would attack you without warning. This is the last thing you want for your children, but how can you approach such a sensitive topic? You know you’re not the likeliest victim, but will the courts understand? Men do suffer from domestic violence, too The reality for many men is that domestic violence comes from their spouses and not from them. They may be attacked by wives or husbands, just as a woman might be attacked by her wife or husband. Everyone can become a victim of domestic violence, and the law does recognize this. No court will want to see a child in an abusive home, so proving that domestic violence is a problem in yours will help you obtain the custody rights you want. The judge wants to know any decision about your child’s care is in your child’s best interests, and knowing about domestic violence is key to any argument you have. In a national study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, it was found that more men than women are victims of intimate partner violence, both physical and psychological. In fact, research since the 1970s has long suggested that men and women commit violence against one another at roughly similar rates. Men often were ridiculed when reporting violence, but as times have changed, that’s stopped. More men report violence today than in the past, which is why it’s better understood today. Is there a gender bias against men in court? There should not be a bias against men or women in any case in court. Your attorney is there to protect you against unfair biases and to make sure your concerns are heard and met with respect. You deserve to be safe in your relationship, and your child or children do, too. It’s important for you to speak up about violence, whether it’s physical, emotional or financial, so the court understands what you and your children have been though. Only with this knowledge is it possible for a judge to make a fair determination about the parenting rights and abilities of each person involved in a custody case. It’s something that has to be brought to the surface quickly.

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